, , , ,

This road that we travel along is not always going to be flat and smooth.  It tends to be like most city streets, full of pot holes, uneven pavement and a million different ways to knock you out of alignment.  The catch is to realize when you are slipping up, admit to yourself and move on to your support team for guidance.

When I began to realize what I was doing to myself it almost shocked me.  I never thought of myself as an emotional eater that found a reason to eat for every emotion.  I recall one day not long after my surgery I received some good news.  (It couldn’t have been that good because I can’t remember it today)  My first thought was one of excitement and my second thought was to stop at Wendy’s for a double cheeseburger combo.  This is the part that I remember, it hit me like a brick wall, and I realized I am an emotional eater.  From that day forward I would make a mental note every time in life that something great, bad or just indifferent happened and I felt the need to get food.  I finally admitted to myself that I really was an emotional eater.

Being an emotional eater is never good for anyone.  If you include in this the aspect of depression that can make the mood changes swing a little more it made it even more devastating.  I also began to notice times when I felt like I wasn’t getting my fair share of desert or a treat, or if I wasn’t having some food that I craved I would get angry or just quick to anger.  This was another red light moment for me that I had to force myself to notice.  How could I make my mind better and clearer when I was continually messing it up with poor nutrition?  The impact of poor nutrition combined with the depression and anxiety was definitely going to mean failure for me at some point in life.

I had to come out of hiding once I realized this is who I had become.  I am one of those individuals that feel like your spouse should be your ultimate support person that you can share everything with.  So, I constantly share revelations including these past revelations with my wife.  This helps me be honest with myself as I have to share the truth and it puts it out there.

I also spent this last week at work, having a great discussion with one individual who has depression in their family and grew up with it like I did.  We were able to discuss what it was like growing up in that environment and understand what the other was talking about because we have both travelled the path.  I am 100% truthful during these conversations because if somebody is willing to take the time to share with me the least I could do is being honest with them.  I also spent some time explaining to another co-worker about my battle with obesity, my surgery and what I am doing to keep a healthy lifestyle.  It turns out this person had questions, inquiries and we discussed current eating and drinking habits.  When the conversation broke, they were quick to thank me for sharing my experiences with them as they were working through their own.  It pays to stop lying to you because the reward is helping others.

I know some people are not sure how to talk about themselves or be truthful with themselves.  The first thing you could do is write down your secrets or personal lies and read them aloud.  Then share them with someone you feel close to.  I know now that at almost three years out of obesity surgery and a lifetime of depression I feel comfortable sharing my past secrets and people don’t judge me for them.  Others can usually find some part of your story they can relate to and people knowing there are others out in the world like them gives them solace.  Give yourself solace by being honest with yourself and sharing with someone important to you.