When it came time to move forward dealing with my depression and obesity I knew I had to take a look at the whole me and what needed to change. This is not always easy as it is human nature to focus on one aspect of something and change that. This would give me an aspect of control because I was able to change one thing, one habit, one dimension of myself and it would become my saving grace. The problem was that one aspect that changed usually didn’t have an impact on the whole.
I see now that I have made progress looking at myself as a whole and changing that whole. I never realized how overweight I had gotten as my mind never saw me how I truly looked. At times it may have visualized me looking worse than I actually did but most times it did a great job in making me feel secure about what I thought I looked like not what I really looked like. It wasn’t until my internal health caught up with my external size that I really took notice and had to change. Even then it wasn’t until months later when I look back at pictures from my heaviest weight do I realize how unfit I became.
Part of me wanted to blame the weight gain on the medication and because I self medicated for my depression and anxiety. The truth of the matter is I am the one who made a conscious decision each and every time I chose to put some morsel of tasty albeit unhealthy food in my mouth. My depression didn’t make me do it and the medication didn’t make me do it so all that was left after the excuses were gone is me.
I had to realize what didn’t work and make changes going forward. I knew that making excuses didn’t work, justifying my actions didn’t work, and dealing with my issues alone didn’t work. That last point was the biggest one for me as I always thought I could do everything alone but in this case I was beating myself. I also began to realize that whatever my shortcomings were, I still had a lot to offer the world. I think that I am a pretty decent husband, good dad, and a guy who loves his extended family. Many people that know me feel I lift more people up and inspire which is surprising as I feel down and out.
To ditch the excuses I had to get back to the beginning of my story and remember or determine who I was. What was I looking for out of life? What could I do to achieve what I wanted? I also realized that every extremely successful person in the world surrounds themselves with others that compliment them as they cannot be great at everything but can still be great all the same. I started focusing on what I was good at, what I could control and not be afraid to ask for help when it came to my weaker areas.
At the end of the day, trying to cope with depression, anxiety and obesity all by myself wasn’t doing any one any good, especially me. It was time to get back to the basics and stop making excuses on why I had to take care of everything or prove to the world I was the only one capable. I love supporting others who do great things and now it was time to find the support needed to help me achieve great things.