Does having the lack of power make one weak? How about admitting the lack of power, does that show strength? Admitting to powerlessness does not show weakness it shows the first step in trying to conquer your personal fights that you have not been able to beat alone.
When it came to depression I spent a long time trying to avoid the diagnoses. I knew the diagnoses long before I ever saw a medical professional as I grew up around it my whole life. At first I felt like going to the doctors and talking about depression was defeat. I could feel the knot in my stomach tighten every time I thought I should tell my doctor something and felt it loosen every time I left his care and didn’t say anything. In a small way, not having my depression diagnosed by a doctor still meant I didn’t technically have it. This way I could keep kidding myself into thinking I could beat my mental issues myself without the help of others.
The problem with deciding that this was how I would deal with it I caused myself many more issues. I currently treated myself with food to help try and calm down or satisfy the depression and anxiety within me. As my depression increased or if I felt it was increasing I just increased my medication. (That medication of course being food) Now since I was dealing with a mental problem, I created a second problem by getting my body and mind addicted to bad food. I loved fast food and to eat out whenever I could always trying to finish the evening with some chips and dip or nachos at home.
Every time I went to see the doctor about anything he would bring up my weight as it increased every time I saw him. I always promised I would work at losing weight and just knew I could do it all myself. I would always tell myself that as of tomorrow I will make a change in my eating habits to improve my life. That always gave me free rein the night before to indulge in anything and everything I felt like since the next day I would never touch it again. If I was lucky my new eating plan would last a day or two and then back to self medication with the unhealthy food.
When family members or friends would discuss my weight or show any concern about it I would get angry. I was not really angry with them but with myself for not being able to take the weight off. Every time I received a negative comment about my weight I would swear that the next time they saw me I would be a lot skinnier. The next time never came because the next time was like the last time and I didn’t treat my underlying depression issue so I couldn’t kick the food issue.
There came a day when my wife and I had a huge fight. I was ready to throw in the towel and call it a day on everything we had together. The difference was she fought for us. To this day we are still married and have a great little boy because she fought so valiantly for us. Even today I cannot remember what I was mad about or why it was directed at our relationship but when she fought so hard, I realized I needed help. That was the moment I hit rock bottom and needed to get help with my depression and anxiety.
It took time and effort but things began to slowly improve and today I have mental state light years ahead of where I was at that time. Once I was able to admit I was powerless and needed help I could achieve so much more in my battle against depression. A few years after that I attacked my obesity problem and my addiction to food. I realized that I once again had to admit that I was powerless and this addiction had owned me for too long. As of today I have made great strides in my battle with food and even though I am not where I want to be, I am in a much better place than I have been for a very long time.
When you realize that you are powerless against your problems, it provides the first step to taking back control. I honestly believe that at the end of the day we each want to have control over our issues and admitting powerlessness helps us get that control. There is a reason that men never go off to war on their own, you can achieve so much more as a team. You become stronger, more powerful and you have others to count on. If you need to, take today to admit that you are powerless so tomorrow you can take the power back.